In my last post, The Silent Saboteur, I explored how unspoken expectations quietly undermine team performance and trust. But what happens when we do speak up — and things still don’t change?
Sometimes, the problem isn’t that expectations are unspoken. It’s that they’re unexpected.
When someone misses the mark, the easy assumption is that they’re disengaged, resistant, or just not trying hard enough. But I see something different. More often than not, they aren’t being defiant — they’re operating under a different set of assumptions. They’re not lazy. They’re just lost.
Here’s why: People bring their history with them. Maybe their last manager didn’t want frequent updates or discouraged questions. Maybe they were taught to avoid drawing attention to problems. In the absence of new, explicit expectations, they default to what they know — even if it no longer fits.
That’s why setting clear expectations isn’t just about giving direction. It’s about acknowledging that every person has a backstory — and that you can’t lead effectively without understanding what behaviors those stories have taught them to rely on, in both their personal and professional lives.
This is where accountability gets misunderstood. We tend to think of it as enforcement or consequence, but in truth, accountability grows out of shared understanding.
When you say, “I expect you to update me weekly, and I want you to tell me early when things go sideways,” you’re not micromanaging. You’re building a new foundation — one that invites people to show up differently than they have before.
But be cautious. They may not hear your words as you intended them. Tone, interpretation, past stings, lack of evidence they can trust you, and more all get layered onto those words. Just because you say it, doesn’t mean they get it.
So yes, be clear — and also check in, verify, clarify, and hold generous assumptions that their intentions are equally good, even if they don’t quite get it the first or second time around.
Think of it like rerouting traffic. If people have always taken one road and you want them to take another, you have to do more than tell them. You have to show them the map — and the benefits of the alternate route. Otherwise, they’ll keep following the old route, wondering why they keep getting lost or missing the mark.
The fix? Be explicit, be consistent, and be curious. Change happens over time, not overnight. And sometimes you need to help your team unlearn what’s no longer serving them before you can help them learn something new. When people know what’s expected — and believe they won’t be punished for past habits — they rise to meet the new standard. Not because they have to. But because now, they can.
Photo by Miikka Luotio on Unsplash
