Last week we talked about how great leadership is most often noticed through how people treat us and make us feel. You may recall that great leaders make us feel safe, respected, empowered, forgiven, appreciated, honored. But what I left out of last week’s story is the most important question I asked of them.
Once we established their best source of leadership and the attributes of those leaders, I asked: “And do you treat yourself this way? With compassion, honor, appreciation, empowerment, respect, forgiveness?” and almost involuntarily, there were genuine, audible, ‘no’s’ rising from the crowd. The truth is, we seldom treat ourselves with this behavior of leadership. Instead, we pride ourselves on responses like: “I’m my own worst enemy! NO one is harder on me than I am myself!” as if that’s a good thing.
What’s wrong with this picture?
You see, real leadership begins with how we treat, inspire, forgive and communicate — with ourselves. Do you talk down to you, or punish yourself for mistakes that are human? Do you doubt your worthiness and by doing so, limit your visions and dreams? If you want to truly be a better leader to others, consider the changes you could implement with how you lead yourself. After all, those you lead notice and can see the hypocrisy. You have the perfect model — just think of that great leader you admire, whether it’s your mom, coach, neighbor, grandmother… and do what they did. I know, it feels easier to treat everyone that way, and so much harder to give yourself the same love. Do it anyway.
Because I’ll tell you one thing: If you can’t treat yourself that way, your leadership of others will never reach its full potential — it will always feel like you’re behind the wheel of a Ferrari, but can’t get it out of first gear. Sure, it’s still a blast, but it will frustrate the hell out of you because you are no where near its full potential.
