With All Due Respect To NIKE

Are you running from something? Or towards something? Too often we’re running away, trying to escape — but our problems keep following us!  Like that person who goes from one bad relationship to another with no loss of emotion, or those that seem to have terrible job after terrible job. But what are the chances that they could have that many bad jobs (or relationships)? There’s got to be a common theme, a common denominator. If you’re in this situation, I hate to break it to you: the common denominator is YOU. We tend to take our problems with us. So if you want a different result, you have to take a different action. But how can you change your perspective? How can you build a habit of considering new ideas and making more powerful decisions? Well, take a lesson from Socrates. There are three elements to how we engage with and show up in our life; there’s what we think, how we feel and what we do. Pick one, change some aspect of it and see what you get. Then change another part and explore again. Not every change will yield the desired result, but some will.Otherwise, if you just keep thinking, feeling and doing the same things over and over again, nothing will ever change, right?  Here’s the full Socrates quote: If you always do what you’ve always done, You will always get what you always got. If you always get what you always got, You will always think what you’ve always thought. If you always think what you’ve always thought, You will always feel what you’ve always felt. If...

Adding a Child Won’t Fix It

Have you ever heard one of those heartbreaking stories where a couple struggling with their relationship suddenly decides to have children — thinking it will bring them closer together? How often does that work out well? Yeah — it’s a terrible strategy that virtually never works. And yet millions of couples have done it! Kids can’t automatically make your marriage better. In fact, kids often reveal the weaknesses in your relationship, and almost inevitably make things harder. After all, the Army has nothing on parenting being the toughest job you’ll ever love. We do the same thing in our careers. When frustrated, unhappy, or disrespected in their job, I have watched many decide to “have a baby” — in other words, take on a huge responsibility in order to prove to themselves or their superiors that they’re committed. Sometimes this strategy works; but very rarely is a great new work experience or a wonderful marriage forged in the flames of this “new child.” Far more often, a stressed system exposed to an even greater stress breaks under the pressure, and there are almost always innocent bystanders harmed in the process. Employees or clients will suffer if you are unable to meet your new or old commitments, just like a broken marriage hurts children, family, and friends. If your job is causing you stress or self-doubt, adding to your pile of responsibilities is not the solution. Instead, work to connect with the job and responsibilities you have now.  Name the problem accurately, identify where, when or how you are feeling disrespected or invisible or devalued — whatever the real issue is. Seek help.Perhaps...

Would You Be Crazy To Say ‘No?’

A client of mine has been offered a position with a company that would nearly triple his already six figure income. And on the surface, who wouldn’t want that?  It’s a LOT of money. The problem is, he’d have to move to a city he doesn’t want to live in, doing work that he doesn’t truly love, for a company he has very little respect for.  It forced us to evaluate a career opportunity in a slightly different way. What would you do? A lot of people seem to say ‘yes’ to any and every promotion, no matter what it means and without serious consideration. And when it’s accompanied by a significant raise it’s near impossible to say no. But is that really the best thing for you? What if you’re thriving right now because of your current environment? What if the greener grass you see is plastic, and while your current job may be a bit old or rote, are you willing to give up what would be necessary to give up in order to take the new opportunity?  Will the change in environment really help you succeed — or will it pull you back? Will it get you where you want to go long term? Will you like who you will become in that new role and/or company? If you were to write the script for a perfect job that defined every aspect; work environment, purpose, personal impact, impact on the world, co-workers, flexibility, pay, benefits, personal life, stress levels, challenge, respect, opportunity for growth, and so forth, how does this new position really measure up?  If it only checks the...

Tools Don’t Build Masterpieces, People Do… With Tools

I seem to be on a CVI kick,  so let’s go back to my comment a couple weeks ago about the CVI being a tool. I recently asked a group what they thought of the CVI. The first person to respond said, “I think it’s crap, a waste of our time.” “Wholesale & completely?” I asked. “Maybe not wholesale and completely, but yeah, pretty much.” Suddenly, heads started nodding. Some people thought it was absolutely amazing — but the general consensus among much of the room was that it was OK at best. “Oh, thank God,” I said. “Thanks for getting that out of the way so early. I almost completely agree with you. I’ve resisted assessments my entire career because my general thought of assessments is that they’re boxes. Once someone knows your ‘color,’ your ‘letters’ it’s too easy to put you a box and say ‘now I know you’, but they don’t. They only know an idea of you. One tiny thing among countless other things. “I use the CVI as a tool, not an answer,” I told them. “A tool to help us ask the bigger, better question. And then, when we have conflict, we’ll pull out the CVI and see if that tool helps us again. If it does, cool.  If not, put it away.” It’s a tool. The beautiful part about a tool is, the tool’s not the product. The tool’s what you use to build the product. We get a chop saw in order to create bookshelves and homes. But it’s just a tool; it’s not the shelves or the house itself. For me, that’s an empowering reality...

A Core Values Leadership Case Study

Let’s dive into the CVI a little bit more. Here’s a case study in the CVI: Take a leader who’s a Merchant/Builder, which simply means their highest value is relationship and making deep, honest connections with people; and their secondary value is the confidence that they know how and what to do to have the greatest positive impact on a situation. In this case, the leader really wanted to show up as his Merchant self in the workplace; he wants to respect relationships, make real connection, respect the values of others, operate from that place of love/truth… all that. That’s who he wants to be. Problem is, in this particular situation, he keeps showing up like a Builder; confident, knowing what to do, and willing to take action. That realization — that he was showing up as a Builder — depressed him; he saw it as a negative. He wants to be a Merchant, but was naturally leaning into a Builder, and he judges himself negatively for that. The real growth happened when he was able to to flip the judgment into genuine power — the real value of the Builder: to accept that he is showing up in a positive, powerful way, that he really does know what to do and his confidence was empowering to the team to step up and THAT’S OKAY. Builders get a bad rap, because their negative conflict strategy —  intimidation — is so feared. He doesn’t want to be aggressive and intimidating! But once he realized that he was being a Builder, guess what? He could access the POSITIVE side, too! Which leads us to a better...